Sep 3rd, 2002
I know I keep askingyou the same question, but doesn’t every mail start this way anyways? How’veyou been? It’s been a while since I last heard from you. I don’t know when wewent from an email at the end of every day, to a weekly thing, then a fortnightlything. I was still ok with the monthly mail. The quarterly updates feel likethe last straw though. It seems like I will only hear from you at the beginningof a new season. The monsoon this year shows no signs of ending, and as I sithere writing you this email the windowpanes reflect the lightning and the soundof the torrential rain overpowers the music from my headphones.
How eagerly wewaited for the rains to give us respite from forty-degree centigrade summerdays. Now the farmers weep as the rains wash away the produce that was readyfor harvesting. The rain gods pay no heed to their cries. Instead they sendmore rain to wash away their tears. I too have grown more melancholic with eachpassing day. It’s not because of the rain. Its because I haven’t heard from youin over three months now.
The worst part isthat your last email completely ignored the fact that there was anything wrongbetween us. You spoke about work and your life and how well things were goingfor you but said nothing about the reduced frequency of your mails. I don’tthink I have it in me to send you an email of this length again. I would preferthat you make it clear to me and sever our connection once and for all.
Sep 4th, 2002
Life is great here.I went to the store today after shopping for the last three months through anonline delivery service. It was a very refreshing experience. Just watchingsomething as mundane as people queuing up at the checkout counter brought mejoy. I missed people. I also miss you. This may come as surprise to you, mereplying to your email so soon.
It's not that Ididn’t wish to reply sooner. Every time my hands hover over the keys I freezeup. You may be lamenting the extended monsoon, but here it feels like there areno seasons. Only an endless, unrelenting winter. Yet I continue to endure itbecause the answers I seek can only be found here. The reasons I nevermentioned anything about our relationship was because I was afraid to breachthat topic at all. I didn’t have it in my heart to end it. I never had a goodenough reason to. I still don’t.
I had hoped that youwould be the one to dump me for any reason of your choosing. I rather have youthink of me as a cruel, cold hearted bitch and kick me out of your life. Youdeserve better than me. Your understanding and patience over the last fewmonths have really let me know how profound your love truly is. That’s why Ifeel that there is someone out there more worthy of your love than me. If thiswas the last time that you were going to email me I hope that this email helpsyou understand things better.
Sep 4rd, 2002
When I saw youremail in my inbox I checked twice to see if an older email had somehowresurfaced to the top of the list. I haven’t been this happy in a long time.Everything you said somehow makes sense to me, and yet nothing makes sense. Youput the onus of ending this relationship on me. You make it sound like you arecruel person. You know I can’t end it this way and neither can you. We loveeach other too much to take this kind of an action.
I know I’ve askedyou a million times but you can still try telling me why you had to leave. To aplace so far away that seasons cease to exist. If you want me to end this Ideserve a better explanation than, you aren’t worthy for me. This has nothingto do with love. I need logical answers now.
Oct 3rd 2002
The silent treatmentagain. I had some hope that I would finally get some answers after your lastemail. As much as it pains me to do this, this truly is the last time I contactyou.
Thanks for all thememories.
January 2nd, 2003
I am happy to sharewith you that I may have finally found what I came here for. If this issomething that matters to you, you can continue reading. Before that I wantedto let you know that it breaks my heart that all this had to come at the costof our relationship and I will feel the pain of it for the rest of my life.
Do you remember whenwe first met. You summoned the courage to ask me or should I say had theaudacity to ask me if I was seeing someone before you could ask me anythingelse. It was only the third time I had seen you. Well it just wasn’t you thatwas noticing someone at the medical store. Remembering the moment when it allbegan for us always fills me with joy.
My father who passedaway a few months after I met you was a man full of secrets. He never revealedtoo many of them until two years after his death. He could have gone the oldway of leaving me a letter to discover among his belongings. He somehow found away to send me an email that was scheduled for exactly two years after hisdeath.
As if seeing it any sooner would have terrible consequences. He was right and he went to great lengths to make sure this happened exactly at the time he wished. Now is the time for you to suspend your beliefs.
Father and mothercame here thirty years ago. They told me they had lived here since three generations,but they were from a place far away from here. They were refugees. They werefound helpless by a researcher at a facility near the North Pole. He took themin promising to tell no one of their presence.
That was the normalpart of the story. After that my father’s mail took a turn for the truly bizarre.It was strange enough that they ended up at the North Pole, but what my fathermeant by refugees was they were refugees from another planet. A planet likeours that was several generations ahead of us.
The aurora borealisthat occurs at the North Pole obscured their ships movements so that they couldescape undetected from the planet. They had to because pregnancy was a crimepunishable by death. A planet where population was regulated because it couldnot sustain any more humans. As hard as this was to believe I still wasn’t surewhy he had waited two years after his death to tell me this. I was old enoughto understand.
He told me the nameof the researcher who had found them. I knew I had to go there if I wanted toascertain if this wasn’t an elaborate hoax played by someone who wasn’t myfather. I have been staying here in Greenland trying to track down this man forthe past year. I finally got in touch with him and made a plan to meet himtomorrow.
You must now realizethat if I had told you the true purpose of my trip, you would never have let mego. A fool’s errand you would have called it. You know me better than most. Ican’t let things go. Just like I couldn’t let you go.
Its late and I mustprepare for my meeting with the man tomorrow. The only lie I told you was thatI was going on a work trip from which I would be back soon. I just stretchedthe definition of soon until it broke your heart. Sorry.